When someone comes to us feeling like his/her world stopped because of a heartbreak, we can be at a loss with what to do—especially when we haven’t experienced this ourselves. How can we best minister to the person?

First, let me say that we’re glad you’re there. Blessed is that person who has a friend and a leader like you to walk with them in this difficult time. Salamat at nandyan ka! Na-feel man niya na iniwan siya, ikaw di ka parin nawala. Nawalan man siya ng minamahal, di siya nawalan ng kaibigan. Meron pa rin siyang friend in you “who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

So paano natin siya matutulungan? Tara, pag-usapan natin! 

Move in compassion because heartbreak and pain are real.

The person we are ministering to is wounded and hurting. When we understand this, it shifts our attitude from belittling or maximizing the emotion to a posture of moving in love and compassion. 

Though the cause of heartbreak may be different for each person, one thing is common—there will be pain and this pain is most real for the person going through it. The pain may come from being rejected, being left behind, being unloved, being treated harshly, being devastated by the loss, or being crushed by hope deferred and dreams shattered. As we recognize this, bear in mind that pain is real, but so is God. 

As we minister, may we reflect the God of compassion to them. There is great comfort in knowing that in times of hurting, they have a God who is tender and compassionate towards them and that the people around them will also move in the same way.

Be there for them.

Know that you don’t need to go through the same experience to be able to go through this season with them. The best gift you can give them, aside from your prayers, is your presence. 

Be there for them as they grieve, as they cry, as they talk about the same topic over and over, as they believe that this too shall pass, and as they dream again. Let them know that you are just a call/text/pm/chat/Zoom away. Kahit malungkot sila hindi sila nag-iisa. That, in itself, is a big help. 

Let them grieve.

Grieving because of loss is essential for healing. Allow that person to grieve. Scripture encourages us to also grieve with those who grieve (Romans 12:5).

Emotional wounds, just like physical ones, take time to heal. Don’t expect the person to recover overnight. Scientifically speaking, even grieving has its stages. Hindi kailangan madaliin.

Remember, this is not just about “losing a person.” Along with the heartbreak come broken hopes and dreams, feelings of loss, and sometimes, even a loss of the sense of purpose and identity. Kaya hindi talaga ganon kadali mag-move on. In time, they will heal—given of course the right treatment for their broken heart. 

Point them to God.

They say that “time heals all wounds” but if I may rephrase that statement I’d say, “Time doesn’t heal all wounds; God does.” As we minister to the brokenhearted, my prayer is that our presence will point them to the one and only Person who can ultimately heal them—God Himself. 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

Point them to the God who is near the brokenhearted. It is He who will do the saving, the healing, the binding, the redeeming, the restoring, and the saving. Pointing the person to God is a deliberate attempt to take the pressure off us and relieves us from thinking that we are the solution. Praise God that we are not the answer; He is. If this person will get healed, it will be God’s doing, not ours. We get the privilege of witnessing that. 

Be the one who brings God up in the conversation. Be deliberate in praying for that person. Oftentimes, heartbroken people see the magnitude of their pain and heartbreak. Be the one that lets them see the magnitude of God and how He is infinitely bigger. 

Point them to the word.

In the day and age of technology where resources are available at the click of a button, there is a wide array of materials on self-help, moving on, and getting over heartbreaks. Many of them are helpful. But as leaders and disciple-makers, we don’t just espouse what the world says. We believe that the word of God is the final authority in everything. We believe that the Bible is the ultimate standard for how we live and what we believe. 

There is a place for good advice and godly convictions in discipleship, but nothing beats the word of God. 

Encourage that person with what the Bible says about God’s healing, God’s promises, and God’s character. In fact, don’t just encourage them with Scripture, let them wrestle with Scripture. (And if needed, wrestle with it with them.) By doing this, their faith now becomes not just something you pass on, but something personal to them.

Since the person we are ministering to is heartbroken, let us point him/her to the living and active word that can cut through and discern the intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12–13).

Rest assured that the word of God will not come back to Him empty, but instead accomplish His purposes in that person’s life (Isaiah 55:11). Point them to the word of God and be amazed at how His word will bear fruit in that person’s life.

Connect them to community. 

As God has given you the heart to minister, the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. That’s the beauty of being in a church community. Connect them and help surround them with godly men and women who can pray for them and encourage them in this season. 

On a personal note, If you’re closely ministering to a brokenhearted person of a different gender, the best move is to help connect that person to someone of the same gender. There are areas in discipleship that are best addressed by men to men and by women to women. Doing this ensures greater accountability and unfiltered transparency and establishes good boundaries for purity. 

Cast vision for God’s purposes and a bright future ahead.

“Hindi pa dito natatapos ang lahat. May magandang plano si God sa buhay mo.” 

“Ipapag-pray ko ang taong mamahalin ka ng totoo. ’Yung taong plano para sa iyo ni Lord.” 

“Balang araw, sa kasal mo babalikan natin ang iyakan sa araw na ito at sasabihing, ‘Thank You, God! Kaya pala nangyari ’yon.’”

We can be assured that because God is good all the time, even in heartbreak, His plans for that person will always be good. His will is always good, pleasing, and perfect! 

Be the one to cast vision and hope for the future. Be the one to cast the vision for purity and holiness in walking as a single person. Be the one to cast the vision of walking in God’s purposes as s/he goes through healing. 

God has seen beyond and can move beyond heartbreak. He can get what the enemy meant for evil and turn it for good. 

OUR PRAYER FOR YOU

As you minister, we pray this to be true of you: 

A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

Proverbs 11:25

Thank you for being generous with your time and for journeying with those who are heartbroken. As you extend God’s compassion and refresh others, may God Himself refresh you back a hundredfold! 

Salamat sa puso mo mag-minister! Proud kami sa ’yo!


P.S. Here is an article that can give them tips on how to move forward from heartbreak. You can share this and process it with them.

Correction. It’s an important part of discipleship, but also one of the hardest to give when establishing someone. It’s one thing to graciously receive correction but another thing to graciously give it.

To correct simply means to make right or to make better. It’s an action done to improve someone or something. The question is: why must we do it?

My brothers, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring him back, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of his way will save him from death and cover a multitude of sins.

James 5:19,20 (NIV)

The Bible encourages us to give correction with the goal of restoring and turning a person from the error of their ways and back to their walk with God. To correct a person is to build that person up in Christ and never to bring them down.

In most Western cultures, people have no problem correcting plainly or bluntly. In nations such as the Philippines, however, where euphemisms abound, there is a level of discomfort or awkwardness when it comes to giving correction. This becomes all the more real when it applies to people that we’re establishing in the faith.

Correcting in Public vs. Correcting in Private

Have you ever impulsively corrected someone in front of others, causing embarrassment to the person and discomfort to those listening? Correcting someone does not need to be destructive. One of the practical ways to do that is to correct a person in private. Doing so provides an avenue for greater vulnerability and personal ministry.

Brutal Correction vs. Loving Comfort

Was there ever a time when you tried to correct someone by doing all the right things—having the best of intentions, truthfully pointing out what needed to be adjusted, delivering the facts, and planning out the steps that needed to be done—only to end up having a strained relationship or even worse, losing the person altogether?

On the other hand, have you ever wanted to correct someone so lovingly that all the person got was the encouragement but not the correction? He may have felt comforted, but his life remained unchanged.

How do we avoid these extremes?

The Right Words: the Word of God

Here’s what Paul writes to his young disciple Timothy who was leading and establishing a church:

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

2 Timothy 4:2

Paul encourages Timothy to preach the word and get the wisdom to correct people from the word of God.

Personal Opinion vs. Power of Scripture

Oftentimes, in correcting people, we tend to become passionate in exposing the error of their ways and coming up with solutions that will benefit them. This passion for the truth must be directed in speaking the truth of the Scriptures, especially where sin patterns and destructive behaviors are present. Here are two things to remember:

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

Hebrews 4:12 (NIV)

“As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

Isaiah 55:10,11 (NIV)

Our personal opinion, experience, and wisdom from the advice of others may be good to share as testimonies, but nothing beats the power and authority of the word of God to change a person’s life.

The Right Way: With Great Patience and Careful Instruction

Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

2 Timothy 4:2

When we correct a person, do they leave encouraged and eager to study God’s word? Or do they feel hopeless and humiliated?

Paul pointed out the need for correction, but he didn’t end there. His exhortation was to correct, rebuke, and encourage. He also points out two things that need to be coupled with our correction: great patience and careful instruction.

Patience: Instant Reformation vs. Lasting Transformation

Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It will take a lot of prayers, faith, and time for the word of God to bear fruit in a person’s life. We don’t want instant changes that last for only a day or two. What we want is to see how God transforms a person forever. Will you wait and not give up?

Part of us being patient is to correct out of love, not out of frustration. Whether out of love or frustration, this will be evident in our words and actions. After correcting someone, are they still affirmed of our love, or are they wounded by our disappointment? It will take the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit to speak the truth in love with great patience.

Careful Instruction: Copy-Paste Solutions vs. Careful Instruction

Correcting using careful instruction varies from person to person. We cannot simply give the same instruction to a person who may be going through a similar issue with another. When was the last time we prayed before giving advice? Do we rely on the power of the Holy Spirit to give us the ability to give biblical and practical instruction? Our hope is that after correction, those we are establishing come out of it with renewed faith and clear instructions specific to their current need or personal situation.

The Best Example: God Himself

“Blessed is the man whom God corrects; so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty. For he wounds but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal.”

Job 5:17,18 (NIV)

Correction, coupled with great patience and careful instruction, could very well serve as a springboard that propels people to greater spiritual and leadership growth. Though it may seem like a difficult task, we can offer it as an act of faith towards God and an act of love towards others.

Correcting someone may seem to be a difficult task, but we are assured that the grace of God and the Holy Spirit will accompany us as we do. Let us be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and the person’s needs so we can lead them toward the right direction.