12 min
By: Che de Sagun

How to Help the Heartbroken

How do you help someone whose heart was broken? Is it possible to do so even when you have not experienced heartbreak yourself?

When someone comes to us feeling like his/her world stopped because of a heartbreak, we can be at a loss with what to do—especially when we haven’t experienced this ourselves. How can we best minister to the person?

First, let me say that we’re glad you’re there. Blessed is that person who has a friend and a leader like you to walk with them in this difficult time. Salamat at nandyan ka! Na-feel man niya na iniwan siya, ikaw di ka parin nawala. Nawalan man siya ng minamahal, di siya nawalan ng kaibigan. Meron pa rin siyang friend in you “who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

So paano natin siya matutulungan? Tara, pag-usapan natin! 

Move in compassion because heartbreak and pain are real.

The person we are ministering to is wounded and hurting. When we understand this, it shifts our attitude from belittling or maximizing the emotion to a posture of moving in love and compassion. 

Though the cause of heartbreak may be different for each person, one thing is common—there will be pain and this pain is most real for the person going through it. The pain may come from being rejected, being left behind, being unloved, being treated harshly, being devastated by the loss, or being crushed by hope deferred and dreams shattered. As we recognize this, bear in mind that pain is real, but so is God

As we minister, may we reflect the God of compassion to them. There is great comfort in knowing that in times of hurting, they have a God who is tender and compassionate towards them and that the people around them will also move in the same way.

Be there for them.

Know that you don’t need to go through the same experience to be able to go through this season with them. The best gift you can give them, aside from your prayers, is your presence. 

Be there for them as they grieve, as they cry, as they talk about the same topic over and over, as they believe that this too shall pass, and as they dream again. Let them know that you are just a call/text/pm/chat/Zoom away. Kahit malungkot sila hindi sila nag-iisa. That, in itself, is a big help. 

Let them grieve.

Grieving because of loss is essential for healing. Allow that person to grieve. Scripture encourages us to also grieve with those who grieve (Romans 12:5).

Emotional wounds, just like physical ones, take time to heal. Don’t expect the person to recover overnight. Scientifically speaking, even grieving has its stages. Hindi kailangan madaliin.

Remember, this is not just about “losing a person.” Along with the heartbreak come broken hopes and dreams, feelings of loss, and sometimes, even a loss of the sense of purpose and identity. Kaya hindi talaga ganon kadali mag-move on. In time, they will heal—given of course the right treatment for their broken heart. 

Point them to God.

They say that “time heals all wounds” but if I may rephrase that statement I’d say, “Time doesn’t heal all wounds; God does.” As we minister to the brokenhearted, my prayer is that our presence will point them to the one and only Person who can ultimately heal them—God Himself. 

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

Psalm 147:3

Point them to the God who is near the brokenhearted. It is He who will do the saving, the healing, the binding, the redeeming, the restoring, and the saving. Pointing the person to God is a deliberate attempt to take the pressure off us and relieves us from thinking that we are the solution. Praise God that we are not the answer; He is. If this person will get healed, it will be God’s doing, not ours. We get the privilege of witnessing that. 

Be the one who brings God up in the conversation. Be deliberate in praying for that person. Oftentimes, heartbroken people see the magnitude of their pain and heartbreak. Be the one that lets them see the magnitude of God and how He is infinitely bigger. 

Point them to the word.

In the day and age of technology where resources are available at the click of a button, there is a wide array of materials on self-help, moving on, and getting over heartbreaks. Many of them are helpful. But as leaders and disciple-makers, we don’t just espouse what the world says. We believe that the word of God is the final authority in everything. We believe that the Bible is the ultimate standard for how we live and what we believe. 

There is a place for good advice and godly convictions in discipleship, but nothing beats the word of God. 

Encourage that person with what the Bible says about God’s healing, God’s promises, and God’s character. In fact, don’t just encourage them with Scripture, let them wrestle with Scripture. (And if needed, wrestle with it with them.) By doing this, their faith now becomes not just something you pass on, but something personal to them.

Since the person we are ministering to is heartbroken, let us point him/her to the living and active word that can cut through and discern the intentions of the heart (Hebrews 4:12–13).

Rest assured that the word of God will not come back to Him empty, but instead accomplish His purposes in that person’s life (Isaiah 55:11). Point them to the word of God and be amazed at how His word will bear fruit in that person’s life.

Connect them to community. 

As God has given you the heart to minister, the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. That’s the beauty of being in a church community. Connect them and help surround them with godly men and women who can pray for them and encourage them in this season. 

On a personal note, If you’re closely ministering to a brokenhearted person of a different gender, the best move is to help connect that person to someone of the same gender. There are areas in discipleship that are best addressed by men to men and by women to women. Doing this ensures greater accountability and unfiltered transparency and establishes good boundaries for purity. 

Cast vision for God’s purposes and a bright future ahead.

“Hindi pa dito natatapos ang lahat. May magandang plano si God sa buhay mo.” 

“Ipapag-pray ko ang taong mamahalin ka ng totoo. ’Yung taong plano para sa iyo ni Lord.” 

“Balang araw, sa kasal mo babalikan natin ang iyakan sa araw na ito at sasabihing, ‘Thank You, God! Kaya pala nangyari ’yon.’”

We can be assured that because God is good all the time, even in heartbreak, His plans for that person will always be good. His will is always good, pleasing, and perfect! 

Be the one to cast vision and hope for the future. Be the one to cast the vision for purity and holiness in walking as a single person. Be the one to cast the vision of walking in God’s purposes as s/he goes through healing. 

God has seen beyond and can move beyond heartbreak. He can get what the enemy meant for evil and turn it for good. 

OUR PRAYER FOR YOU

As you minister, we pray this to be true of you: 

A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.

Proverbs 11:25

Thank you for being generous with your time and for journeying with those who are heartbroken. As you extend God’s compassion and refresh others, may God Himself refresh you back a hundredfold! 

Salamat sa puso mo mag-minister! Proud kami sa ’yo!


P.S. Here is an article that can give them tips on how to move forward from heartbreak. You can share this and process it with them.

About the author
Che de Sagun

Che currently serves as the class adviser for the School of Campus Ministry, where missionaries are trained and equipped before being launched into their fields of ministry. She serves as a campus missionary for Every Nation Campus and as a pastor in Victory. She and her husband Jerry believe that God has a great purpose and plan for the next generation. As they await for their own next generation, they cannot get enough of their two dogs, Happy and Noodle.

Find the right resource for you