50 min
By: ENC Leaders

Episode 12: Campus “Ghosting” Stories

Naranasan mo na bang ma-”ghost”? Ano nga ba ang pinagdadaanan ng mga nakaranas nito? Kung nangyari ito sa’yo o sa kaibigan mo, pano nga ba bumangon muli?

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4:50 What is “ghosting”? 

  • Bigla kang iniwan sa ere.
  • Sinabihan kang mahal ka tapos nawala.
  • “Active” status sa Messenger pero di nag-rereply.

6:50 Scenario #1: Nakilala sa Facebook. Unang nag-”hi” yung guy, nagkausap araw-araw sa Facebook, biglang naging madalang and pag-chachat, hanggang sa huminto. Sa school, hindi na rin namamansin. Ano ang gagawin para makalimot at hindi i-question ang sarili?

  • This is a good lesson na bantayan natin ang ating puso–not to have trust issues, but to have wisdom who to allow into our lives.
  • Choose well which relationships to invest your time in.
  • With ghosting, there is no cue on how to react. This is why, those who go through this end up asking themselves what they have done wrong to deserve the treatment.
  • On the other side of the fence, anyone who experienced ghosting someone should be a decent enough friend to clarify if there is an issue that needs to be addressed in the relationship and not simply resort to disappearing.
  • Accept the reality that this is part of growing up, learn from it, and don’t think that it’s always personal. Don’t be afraid to trust and love again, but through this experience, to learn to do so with wisdom.
  • The best anchor of our identity is that we are created in the image and likeness of God. That is the source of our confidence and our worth. Jesus Christ died on the cross for you and that means you are worth dying for.
  • Ang Holy Ghost ni Lord di tayo ginhost.

18:27 Scenario #2: A recent senior high school graduate experienced a breakup after a six-year relationship. When the relationship ended, not only did the friendship and communication between them end, but their common friends also stopped communicating with him. The question remains, “What did I do wrong? What did I lack as a friend? Was I ever enough for them?”

  • It hurts even more when you lose an entire barkada without an explanation, especially when you are going through a painful season and you need someone to talk to, but no one is available.
  • You can attempt to talk to each one of them and try to ask for clarity and attempt to reconcile. But there are also moments when a season ends, and friendships shift.
  • It may be that there are other people who want to build friendship with you. Acknowledge them and allow them in your life or build deeper with them. 
  • Similarity in interests does not equate to deep friendships. Instead of just similar interests, look for people who have the same values. For those who are Christians, are you in a church community? Find real friendships in the church, who will be committed to growing with you in life’s journey.  

29:35 Scenario #3: When the writer was in Grade 10, she started to like a classmate who just messaged her on social media to ask for help with an assignment. He gave her much attention and care. Suddenly, he didn’t pay her attention anymore, because he already liked someone else. She kept asking herself, “Why can’t I be as pretty as the other girl? Do I deserve to be loved? Ang gusto ko lang naman ay may magmahal sa akin. Bakit kailangan mangyari sa akin ito Lord?”

  • One effect of ghosting is the thought that you did not do something enough or there is something lacking in you or that you did something wrong for someone to leave you.
  • Ghosting reinforces anxiety and makes someone question their worth and identity.
  • The tendency when we feel like we’re losing someone’s attention and friendship is to grasp at it and try harder to please or win over that person’s affection. But the harder you try, and the more you get the same response, it builds insecurity that there is something lacking. 
  • Don’t beg for somebody’s love. You are worth more than that. 
  • Hindi ka holdaper. Don’t demand love from someone that they are not willing to give. 
  • Your worth comes from God. Hold on to the truth that Someone who has far greater love for you has already willingly sacrificed His life out of love for you so that you could be with Him.
  • If your worth comes from something else, there will always be someone who seems to have it better, and that will make you feel worthless. It will make you insecure, whether or not you are in a relationship.

41:10 Mga huling paalala

  • It’s hard not to have clarity. Don’t settle for something without labels. Don’t get ahead of yourself and assume that there is something just because someone is giving you attention or is getting to know you as a friend. 
  • If someone is not giving clear intentions, do you have clarity with yourself about the relationship? Is it clear with you if you are just offering friendship? Is your worth clear to you? Is your identity clear to you? When your worth and your identity is clear, you will not fall for misleading cues of others.
  • You can also clarify the intentions if at some point you feel uncomfortable with the status of the relationship. When you are secure in your worth and identity, you will be ready to deal with the answer.
  • Ghosting is also an indication that the person is not ready for a committed relationship.
  • Let’s go back to the truth of our worth and our identity, that we are created in the image and likeness of God. If you have been ghosted, know that your worth did not diminish just because someone ghosted you. If you have ghosted someone, whether intentionally or not, remember that whatever we do to another human being is an assault or an attack to an image of God. When you hurt someone, you also hurt his/her Creator and Father. So treat each other fairly and justly.

In this episode, our hosts Dave and Jello are joined by Cessa Lapitan from ENC Alabang.

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