52 min
By: 3ncl3ad3rs

Episode 19: Single ka, because?

We live in a culture where being single seems like a curse. Is being single really a bad thing? In this episode, we talked about the reasons why some people are still single and how it looks like being in this season.

Play on:

4:53

Dave:

I was on a short-term mission trip in Macau, China and an interesting fact I’ve learned is that their unofficial singles’ day is November 11 – because it’s 1-1-1-1

5:48

Jello:

I also have a fun fact. In the Philippines, the unofficial date for “undas” is February 14 – because when you reverse it, it becomes “sadnu”!

6:55

Dave:

We have this connotation about being single where there is bitterness in our voice that says “Okay lang, kaya ko ‘to”. We also have this “sana all” culture (e.g. sana all meron).

What can you say about this?

8:05

Maqui:

It is very obvious in my life because there are times also that I experience feeling bitter for being single. Seeing people I know and those around me who are in the same age group getting engaged, married and having babies, and I compare myself to them, I end up feeling bitter and at times, I would also feel disappointed. Then I would think I don’t need anybody else but myself.

10:33

Iya:

Mine is maybe the opposite of where Maqui is coming from in a sense that I always told myself that I would not get married and I am already happy by myself. This mindset prevented me from dating and getting in a relationship.

12:35

Jello:

People can be single for many different reasons. Some are single by choice while others don’t have a choice. People could also opt to be single because of the right or wrong reasons.

What are some wrong reasons to want to be single?

13:50

Iya:

An unhealthy reason is trying to find your sense of completion and fulfillment from your partner. This is wrong because that person is not perfect and will inevitably fail all our expectations.

Another reason is because of prejudice – seeing oneself as so much better than everyone else. While having standards could mean we just know our value and worth, going extreme on standards could be putting ourselves on a pedestal. This is unhealthy because this will make us tend to impose our standards on other people.

15:21

Maqui:

I am on the other side, I feel like I am unworthy to be loved or chosen because of an experience of rejection I had before. This caused me to be crippled by fear and feel insecure and this is unhealthy.

17:50

Dave:

Some people are single because of choice, circumstances, or a decision before. Some are a product of pain. Other reasons can be due to values and priorities.

18:48

Jello:

Reasons why students do not want to be single

  • It is lonely.
  • I need affection, attention and love.
  • I need someone to complete me.
  • I need someone to make me feel special.

Reasons why students want to stay single

  • Sense of pride (no one is good enough for me)
  • I am not good enough for someone.
  • Fear of getting hurt
  • Trauma from past experience

Being single is not bad. It is not a curse. It should be viewed in a right perspective.

Are you single by choice?

21:58

Maqui:

As a man, if I want to be in a relationship, I am meant to pursue. Therefore, technically, I am single by choice but if I want to be single right now is debatable.

22:59

Iya:

Singlehood tends to trigger a lot of insecurities in women because the design is we will be pursued which means a lot of time in singlehood is spent on waiting. As other women get pursued, get engaged, and get married, single women would start asking if there is something wrong with them. Men would have to deal with rejection while women would have to accept the possible fact that they are not an option for anyone in this particular season, which can hurt.

I would say I am single by choice in a sense that I have a desire to get married eventually, but it is also not something I am going to force. I am more open now to getting pursued and dating but I also have a sense now of who I am and what I am looking for in another person, so it is not just something I would just do on a whim unlike before.

It is important for women to understand who they are and what they look for in a man because if not, we can easily be swayed by anyone who comes our way and this will lead to heartbreak.

Fill in the blanks. Single ka because ______

25:41

Maqui:

It is not the right time yet. I firmly believe in God’s sovereignty, in the fact that, whatever happens happens because God allows it. I trust in God’s timing, that’s why I am single now.

26:32

Iya:

I am just really enjoying the season for what it is. While I am looking forward to the next season and to get married someday, it does not take away the joy of this time. I am carving out a lot of time to get to know myself and the Lord and this is what singlehood is to me.

27:41

Dave:

SInglehood goes beyond romance. It is really something we need to think through and pray through. There is a factor wherein we acknowledge the experiences we had, while at the same time there is acceptance in our decisions.

Singlehood is not just a label or a status. Getting in a relationship is not just a next step thing. The biblical view of singlehood is, it is a gift.

What are some things you wish you knew when you were younger?

31:34

Iya:

Don’t give in to the pressure of the world. Don’t rush. You’re only a student in your teenage years once and there are a lot of things you can do to maximize this. I wished I was more patient with myself when I was younger.

34:16

Maqui:

One of the mistakes I had when I was younger was getting my value from validation from girls. I would want my younger self to find his value in Christ because no one and nothing can satisfy me but Christ.

37:50

Jello:

Save all my best for when the right person at the right time comes.

40:08

Dave:

In the process of looking for love, may we not belittle God’s love for us. Remember that even when we make mistakes, God will always be there.

Tips for students who were heartbroken

41:50

Maqui:

Rejoice in that heartbrokenness. The time when there was an exponential growth with my closeness to God was when I got heartbroken. Find joy in being heartbroken while not saying no to God.

44:42

Jello:

The fact that you are wounded is enough reason not to be in a relationship soon. Allow space for healing and take time to recover. Don’t bring those emotional baggage into the new relationships you would be in. Let God be enough for you this season. He is close to the brokenhearted and He mends our brokenness.

46:44

Iya:

For the women, this is the best time to allow God to speak into your broken heart.

Tips for our students who are single

47:15

Iya:

For the single girls out there, it’s time to really pursue healthy relationships with guys by having good boundaries. Do not compare your season with anyone else’s because this robs the joy of what your current season has. Regardless of your story, that is not gonna keep God from writing it and making something beautiful out of it.

Tips for students who are in a relationship

48:59

Dave:

Take responsibility for the relationship. Find your wholeness in the Lord and remember that you are called to holiness. Honor God with your relationship for it is worship unto the Lord.

Today on Campus is hosted by Dave Estrera and Jello de los Reyes. In this episode, they are joined by Maqui Castelo and Iya Joson.

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