55 min
By: ENC Leaders

Episode 29: Tanong mo lang, Share ko lang: Lovelife

Narinig namin kayo! Salamat sa pagpadala ng mga tanong na gusto ninyo pag-usapan namin sa episode na ito. Nawa’y makatulong sa inyo ang usapan natin sa Today on Campus sa pagdesisyon tungkol sa pag-ibig.

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Question #1: Ano po ang thoughts niyo about “Love at First Sight?”

Faith: I believe in attraction at first sight. When you see that person and you like his/her appearance, that’s what you call attraction. I believe that love is progressive, you get to assess your feelings for a certain person through time and communication. More than romance, love is a deliberate decision that has to be made everyday.

Mae: It’s normal that the first thing we see is outward appearance. But when we think about the future, outward appearance is not the only basis for love. I agree that love is a decision. More than the outward appearance, we look inward, meaning we also check the character, attitude, and values.

Dave: When it comes to love at first sight, the common terms associated with this is physical attraction and infatuation. When we were younger, we got attracted to looks because being drawn to physical looks is a new experience, but as we grow older, we learn to grow in our personal preferences, and one of those preferences is really the physical appearance. Sometimes the term, “love at first” is an infatuation or another term for appreciation of that person’s appearance. 

Jello: When we look at the story of Isaac and Rebekah, it seems like it’s love at first sight. Posible ba yun na unang kita mo pa lang, alam mo lang na siya na?

Mae: In the story, he heard from God, and that’s a big factor. I think the generation now needs to be surrounded by mentors. It’s important that we hear from God, but it’s also important that we have people who will help us understand and guide our emotions.

Faith: It’s normal to be attracted physically. Biologically, that’s how we are shaped. Looking at the story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24:27, if we look at the passage, attraction is instant, but love is gradual. Thus, love is tested through time. 

Jello: Love entails commitment, intimacy, and through testing the emotions. It’s not something we can test instantly. It has to go through time. 

Question #2: Kailan mo ba masasabi na ready na o pwede na ako pumasok sa isang relationship?

Dave: My principle in terms of relationships that has evolved through time, experience, and being changed by the Lord, is knowing that a relationship, especially a romantic one, is a serious and mature thing. The goal is to grow in maturity. The heart behind this principle is taking responsibility in knowing that another person will enter your life so you have to journey with this wisely with the Lord. More than the when, a posture of thoughtfully processing this with the Lord and journeying with the community is important. We have different stories in terms of this, and all of us are in the journey of maturity, May factor si God sa relationship na ito. We need to be responsible for this since this is an important decision.

Jello: Somehow meron tayo masasabi na indicator ng readiness ng isang tao, such as 

emotional maturity, financial readiness, and spiritual maturity. To balance these things, yes, we want to be mature, but maturity is progressive, and perfection is not the goal. Babalik tayo sa posture ng heart to know and understand yung ibig sabihin ng relationship, ano yung goal ng relationship, why people get married, why God designed marriage, etc. Mahirap maging legalistic tayo pagdating as relationship advice, we need to help students to have the right heart, and be in a safe space and community where they can grow in friendships, and learn to navigate emotions. 

Faith: More than asking when’s the right time, it is important to ask ourselves if this is the season where God wants me to commit to a relationship. Being in a relationship is a heavy responsibility. It is important to have a strong sense of commitment habang wala pa tayo doon, and while waiting, ask for God’s grace to help you mature and be ready when it comes. When you’re there (in a relationship), you are entering a  battle, because to keep a relationship is challenging. There’s a demand for selflessness, and a need to be responsible. It is also time-consuming. That’s why we need to assess it with God and process with people you trust if it’s something you can handle in your current season. If you firmly believe that entering a relationship is for you now, best to talk to God, ask Him for grace, and process it with trusted people. Relationships are best done in the community, it’s hard if you want to isolate this intimate relationship from the community.

Dave: If we look at the Scriptures, there are cultural differences from biblical times to current one, but one principle remains the same. The other person is valuable, and has dignity. If the relationship is gearing towards family and child-rearing, there’s a certain sense of growth, commitment, and responsibility we need to embrace. As you progress in the relationship, hindi pwedeng kayo lang, it’s always done as a community project. Weddings, by default, are social gatherings,because this is a relationship shaped by the community. This question is difficult to answer since answers vary based on the person’s context because there are different factors to consider like parents, age, season. We can’t give a blanket statement, but what we are sharing are principles that we can still apply even when you’re married. 

Question #3: Ano po opinion niyo sa mga taong na-meet ang “The One” nila sa college?

Mae: There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this. Babalik tayo sa tanong na “Is it wise for the season na you have now?” Do you have trusted people who can pray and journey with you? And at the same time,  we need to factor in our emotions. It is important na we think of our future, because every decision that we make can affect that.

Jello: In an ideal world, our hope is that we can wait after schooling before entering a relationship. But in reality, naliligawan ka, nagkaka-crush ka, etc. That’s why our guiding principle is really wisdom. However, wisdom is not prescriptive, that’s why maganda na may kasama tayo na nagpa-process with us, para mas kakayanin natin mag-decide objectively. 

Follow-up question: Naniniwala ba kayo sa “The One” and “The One That Got Away”:

Dave: If they got away, then they’re not the one. My usual advice is to pray about it, let’s talk about your context,  and if ever that person decides to pursue or whether that person thinks that he made a mistake in entering the relationship, whatever the decision, we want to journey with you in your joys and heartbreaks.

Faith: Meron tayong fear na “baka na-miss out ko na yung chance ko”. In this scenario, we have to trust God’s sovereignty in our life. The fact na hindi kayo nagkatuluyan, the only choice that you have is to trust Him, that we are a work in progress, and we have to fully embrace that He has plans in our life. It is also important to learn from our past, so we can apply it for the future. Whether you are in a relationship or not, we can trust God’s redemption in our life. 

Dave: We want to demystify yung “The One.” Parang kasi one-in-a-million siya. But the reality is, may Lord ka. Dun tayo lagi babalik. Let the Lord shape and guide you. 

Jello: Being in a relationship while you are still a student is a matter of conviction. That conviction should come from your relationship with God. If God is the reason why you decide to stay out of a relationship habang nag-aaral ka pa, and feeling mo you are missing out, then trust that God holds your life and future. He makes things work together for you. As long as God is the ultimate “the One” in your life, you are not missing out on anything. 

Question #4:How will I know if I’m guarding my heart too much? 

Mae: Guarding your heart helps us to protect ourselves and create healthy boundaries. Guarding your heart too much will lead us to judging others, hating the opposite gender, and building walls instead of making friends. Allow yourself to see you, but create healthy boundaries.

Faith: When you say guarding your heart, it speaks about us holistically. It’s putting God first in all areas of life. Our gauge here is asking ourselves, “how is my heart in my relationship with God?” If our relationship with God is intact, it helps us to create healthy relationships with the people around us. The Holy Spirit will be our guide. 

Jello: Ask yourself: “What is my motivation for guarding my heart?” If our motivation is to have our full devotion to God, that’s a good motivation. We might misunderstand the meaning of guarding your heart and come up with checklists that will rob us of enjoying potential friendships. Generally speaking, the way to guard our hearts is to stay close to God, let His word immerse in our hearts, and this will help us walk in purity and holiness. 

Dave: Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life. (Proverbs 4:23) doesn’t just cover love life. It’s a matter of surrendering to Jesus as our Lord. Within the context of love, nagkaka-problema lang if the affection you have doesn’t match the commitment. This is a matter of clarity, at nahihirapan ang puso natin kasi may mga bagay na hindi clear. To untangle this aspect, we need to ask God for discernment and walk with the community.

Jello: Love is the greatest need of all people, this is also the greatest act that Jesus did for us that’s why we will never run out of love from Him. We hope that God’s love will be enough to cover all our needs. A special someone or a romantic relationship will never satisfy our need for love. It’s God who will make us whole. If you want to have a relationship with Jesus, send us a message, we will be glad to journey with you through it. Or you can ask a Christian friend to journey with you in your relationship with Jesus. 

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